Stop Trashing Yourself: How a Daily High Five Boosts Your Happiness

Picture this: Mel’s standing in her bathroom, braless, uncaffeinated, and staring at her reflection with a mental list of everything she hates about herself—dark circles, saggy skin, you name it. Her to-do list is screaming, her stress is through the roof, and she’s just over it. Sound familiar? We’ve all had those mornings where life feels like a boulder we’re pushing uphill. But then, something wild happens. Mel raises her hand and gives her reflection a high five. No words, just a gesture. And boom—something shifts. Her chest loosens, her shoulders square, and she cracks a smile. That moment sparks The High 5 Habit, a book about using a simple, science-backed action to transform how you see yourself and, by extension, your life.

So, what’s the deal with this high five thing? Mel stumbled upon it by accident, but she quickly realized it’s more than a cheesy gesture. It’s a game-changer rooted in psychology and neuroscience. When you high five your reflection, you’re tapping into a lifetime of positive associations—think team sports, celebrating a friend’s win, or the electric energy of a crowd at a game. A high five is a universal symbol of “You’ve got this!” and when you give it to yourself, it’s like flipping a switch in your brain. Mel explains that it’s impossible to trash-talk yourself while high fiving your reflection. Try it—say, “I’m a loser” while slapping the mirror. You’ll probably laugh because it feels so wrong. That’s the magic: it silences your inner critic and snaps you into the present moment.

The book kicks off with Mel’s personal story, but it’s not just about her. She weaves in research and real-life examples from people worldwide who’ve embraced the habit. From a woman in a domestic violence shelter to someone battling chemo, the high five becomes a universal act of self-validation. It’s not about pretending life is perfect—it’s about acknowledging you’re still standing, no matter what. Mel posted a photo of herself high fiving the mirror on Instagram, and within hours, people globally were sharing their own high five pics. It’s contagious because it’s so simple and feels so good.

Now, let’s get to the science, because Mel’s not just vibing here—she’s got receipts. Studies show high fives are powerful motivators. In one experiment with kids tackling tough tasks, those who got high fives outperformed kids praised for being “smart” or “hardworking.” Why? A high five isn’t just praise; it’s a shared celebration that says, “I see you, and you’re awesome just for being you.” NBA research backs this up—teams that high five more at the season’s start tend to win more by the end. It’s about trust and belief, and when you high five yourself, you’re building that trust in you.

Then there’s the brain stuff. Mel dives into “neurobics,” a concept from neurobiologist Dr. Lawrence Katz. Pairing a routine act (like looking in the mirror) with something unexpected (high fiving it) and a positive emotion (celebration) creates new neural pathways. It’s like plowing a new road in your brain, rewiring it to associate your reflection with confidence instead of criticism. Mel saw this firsthand with her dyslexic son, Oakley, whose school used neurobic exercises to build neural connections. The high five does the same for self-esteem, gradually flipping your default from “I’m not enough” to “I’m worth celebrating.”

But Mel’s not just about one trick. The book is a toolbox for building a “high five life”—one where you’re your own biggest cheerleader. She introduces the “High 5 Morning,” a six-step routine to start your day prioritizing yourself. It’s not complicated: get up when your alarm rings (no snooze!), say, “I’m okay, I’m safe, I’m loved” with your hand on your heart, make your bed, high five the mirror, put on exercise clothes, and journal your dreams. Each step is a small win, backed by research like Harvard’s findings that reflection boosts performance or studies showing self-compassion predicts happiness. Mel’s genius is making these steps feel doable, even when life’s overwhelming.

The book’s 15 chapters tackle big questions like “Why do I torture myself?” and “Am I broken?” Mel gets real about the negative crap we tell ourselves, often rooted in childhood patterns or “tough love” parenting. She’s blunt: being hard on yourself doesn’t motivate you—it shuts you down. Instead, she teaches you to flip those thoughts using tools like the 5-4-3-2-1 countdown (from her earlier work) or spotting “hearts” in everyday life to train your Reticular Activating System (RAS) to focus on positivity. It’s not toxic positivity—Mel’s clear you can’t fake your way through trauma or systemic challenges. But you can choose how to move forward, and the high five is your anchor.

Mel’s stories are a highlight. She shares her move to Vermont, a leap that forced her to face discomfort head-on. She’d wake up, high five the mirror, and remind herself, “I’ll be okay.” It’s raw and relatable, showing that even a motivational guru struggles. She also introduces us to people like Jenn, who used the high five to power through chemo, proving this habit works in the toughest moments.

By the end, The High 5 Habit isn’t just about a morning ritual—it’s a mindset. Mel wants you to stop waiting for external validation and start giving it to yourself. She argues that your relationship with yourself shapes every other relationship and decision. When you cheer for you, you cheer louder for others—your kids, partner, friends. It’s a chain reaction of confidence, celebration, and resilience.

Is it a bit corny? Sure, at first. Mel admits it feels weird to high five your reflection. But she dares you to try it for a few days. The proof’s in the pudding—after weeks, Mel stopped fixating on her flaws and started seeing the real her, the one worth rooting for. Readers report the same: a shift from self-doubt to self-acceptance. The book’s packed with practical tools, like the High 5 Daily Journal (free templates online!), to keep you on track.

In a world that’s quick to tear us down, The High 5 Habit is a reminder to be kind to yourself. It’s not about ignoring life’s challenges but equipping yourself to face them with a stronger, more supportive inner voice. Mel’s conversational style, backed by science and stories, makes it feel like she’s your best friend cheering you on. So, tomorrow morning, stand in front of that mirror, raise your hand, and give yourself a high five. You deserve it, and as Mel would say, “You’ve got this.”

Let’s dig a bit deeper into why The High 5 Habit resonates so much. Mel’s not just throwing out feel-good vibes—she’s tackling the root of why we’re so dang hard on ourselves. In Chapter 6, “Where’s All This Negative Crap Coming From?”, she unpacks how our inner critic often stems from childhood. Maybe your parents were tough on themselves, so you learned to be your own worst enemy. Or maybe you grew up hearing, “Suck it up,” which wired you to think self-kindness is weak. Mel calls BS on that. Research from the University of Hertfordshire, cited in the book, shows self-acceptance is the top predictor of happiness, yet it’s the habit we practice least. That hit me hard—how often do we prioritize everyone else’s needs over our own?

Mel’s solution isn’t to just “think positive.” She’s allergic to toxic positivity, especially after her years as a criminal defense attorney seeing real struggles like poverty and discrimination. Instead, she offers actionable habits to rewire your brain. Take the RAS, that brain filter she talks about. It’s like a spotlight, highlighting what you focus on. If you’re always dwelling on what’s wrong, your RAS will keep showing you more of that. But by high fiving the mirror or looking for heart-shaped objects (like a cloud or a coffee stain), you train your RAS to spot opportunities and positivity. It’s like upgrading your brain’s algorithm.

Another gem is Chapter 13, “Can I Actually Handle This?”, where Mel dives into the vagus nerve and how it calms your nervous system. Pairing the high five with deep breaths or saying, “I’m okay, I’m safe, I’m loved,” isn’t just woo-woo—it’s neuroscience. These actions signal safety to your body, reducing stress so you can face challenges with clarity. Mel shares how she used this during her Vermont move, when anxiety made her want to bolt back to Boston. Instead, she stayed, high fived, and trusted the process. It’s a reminder that change is messy, but you’re tougher than you think.

The book’s global impact is wild. Mel describes how the High 5 Habit spread like wildfire after her Instagram post, with people from all walks of life joining in. One story that stuck with me was Brigid, who said high fiving herself gave her words more weight than just thinking positive thoughts. Actions do speak louder, and that’s why the physical act of high fiving is so powerful. It’s not just a mental shift—it’s a full-body commitment to believing in yourself.

Mel also gets vulnerable about her own struggles with self-criticism, despite being a motivational speaker. That authenticity makes the book relatable. She’s not preaching from a pedestal—she’s in the trenches with you. Her dedication to her family (the book’s dedicated to her husband, Chris, and kids, Sawyer, Kendall, and Oakley) shows how personal this journey is. She wants you to have a “high five life”—not just a happy moment, but a fulfilling marriage, career, and friendships. It’s about momentum, not perfection.

If there’s one takeaway, it’s this: you don’t need to wait for a promotion, a smaller waistline, or a perfect day to celebrate yourself. You deserve it now. The High 5 Habit is your daily reminder to show up for you, just like you show up for everyone else. So, grab a mirror, raise your hand, and start building that relationship with yourself. Mel’s cheering you on, and honestly, so am I.